Brown Sugar

Brown Sugar

Around us it’s all unfair. Black and white.

And everyone’s against the things we do

They fuss and cry by saying it’s not right

I feel bad for those who don’t have a clue

It’s a bit tougher but I just don’t care

I take it all in and I don’t complain

They can’t take you away. No one would dare.

Their words mean nothing, only said in vain

I’ll fight back all the words, I can’t be kept

They can’t tell us that you and I can’t be

If they do then there’s nothing for me left

You’re all I need and all I want to see

No matter Brown Sugar, you’ll have my heart

Your skin and mine?…’can barely tell apart.

I struggled at first…a lot. Im pretty happy with the end result. I really wanted to steer clear of the whole love poem thing, but its midnight and i can barely think straight. This stuff just comes easier then others.

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2 Comments so far

  1.   jenny abeles on October 11th, 2011

    Love can be easy to write about because it’s so powerful, but it’s difficult to get it right without swerving into cliches, and cliches are one of the banes of good writing. One of the challenges of writing poems is to take a subject *everyone* has written about and write about it differently. There’s no need to throw one more love poem into the world unless it helps us think about love in a new or different way. So pitilessly pluck the cliches (such as “don’t have a clue”) out of your writing–let the language and sonnet restrictions stretch your ability to say something until it’s strange to you, and says something you didn’t expect, but realize we need to hear or know.

    NOT EASY!

    “They can’t take you away. No one would dare.” is not necessarily new, but I like the way you’ve stated it so bluntly in two truncated lines.

    This is a good first effort. Please print it and bring it to class tomorrow for workshopping.

  2.   samantha on October 11th, 2011

    I like the topic of this poem. You start off saying, “Around us it’s all unfair. Black and white” and the title is Brown Sugar, so I knew what it was about right away. This may be categorized as just another love poem, but the message is preaches is a strong one which stands out in this poem. Good job =) I always say, you can use a cliche as long as you get your point across.

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